Why Can't I???

I sit and watch people all day long. Those happy people with friends and family around who want them. But then I sit and wonder what I did wrong. What I did to not get a peice of that happyness. Then I turn away from them and walk away so I don't become a plauge apon their good day.

I walk to my shack of a house and see the happy couples walking down the road hand and hand. Then I take a look at what I have. True I should be grateful for what little I have with the person I am with. But is it wrong to want more? Is it wrong to want to wake up in the morning with a loving messege waiting for you? Is it wrong to want to see a letter in the mail least once a month with a picture OR a poem OR SOMETHING? Is it wrong to want to talk to the perosn you love more than a few minutes once everyother day and have their FULL attention? I guess so, 'cause no matter who I date or fall in love with I give them what I have, but receive little in return.

I grew up being forced to believe "be grateful for what ya have 'cause if ya ask for anything more than ya are an ungrateful bitch." But the thing is, is that after a while I become really unhappy when I recive the very minimum. But when I want to ask for more in a relationship I feel extremely selfish for asking. But then I also feel like I shouldn't have to ask. But then again..It would prolly help if I didn't put on the fake smile every damn time..

So yea that is me story as of right now....write more later if anything else inspires me....

P.S I know my wording sucks ass, so this prolly confuses you, OR prolly sends the wrong messege....But that is all I have as of right now.

~*~Raine~*~(aka Sammy Jay, YoureThe1WhoLeft)